Write through Grief-Our family Garden

MY THREE WORD PHRASE

Our family garden
What if Momma was the sun, Daddy was the moon, and we are their garden. She set gracefully every night, so the moon could rise…
She beams her rays upon us, by giving us life, and light. Momma illuminates our family garden. Even the moment’s clouds would cover her, followed by the rain. Momma was sure to pull herself out long enough to give us light, so we could grow. And sometimes, she would make sure we noticed the rainbow that followed.
She planted seeds in us, and in our garden. Tiny seeds that each of us would carry on our journeys. Unique to our individual self. Her warm love and bright rays nurtured our seeds so they would germinate and blossom.
She would often spot light the fragile butterflies and hummingbirds, fluttering about our garden. Showing each of us freedom of fight and the process of pollinating.
She would often speak to us about preparing ourselves for times when she is unable to shine upon our family garden, moments of storms passing, or when night would arrive. And she assured us that she was still here, although our blooms may wilt.
Each new day she would rise again, and encourage us with her glistening brilliance. She bounces her luminous radiance to each of us uniquely, to become a beautiful part of our own family gardens.
If ever you miss her, do not grieve for long, love her by stepping into a stream of sunlight. She will wrap her warm loving light around you, so you can reflect it back to this world.
She cherished our family garden, just as she cherishes each of us and our seedlings. All Momma every wanted for us was to bear a delightful garden of our own. With plenty of flowers.
She shined upon us, so brightly, that when evening arrives, the brilliant glowing moon can savor our beautiful, infinite, family garden they created. – Jorja DuPont Oliva March 21, 2018

Write through Grief-Paralyzed

Paralyzed
Have you ever watch a horror move? The victim’s response to the monster or villain is either fight, flight, or they freeze. These are the natural human response to the monsters in our lives. These monsters are our hardships, hurdles or just plain and simple, our emotional setbacks. Today, mine is Grief. Throughout my life time, there has been many, and with each one I faced, I responded with one, two or all of these responses.
My word for today is paralyzed. I get this overwhelming pressure of loss when I think of my momma, today marks one month. I feel dread, fear, all the monster in this horror show. Which in turn, I face it, but don’t move. I can’t move. I am like this helpless creature just waiting without acting but allowing the monster to consume me. I’m paralyzed.
My mother’s passing has brought all of the responses in my thoughts. I feel as though I am fighting my way out of pain. So I am in constant search for a strategy to find my way to end this fight. That is where the flight comes into play. I want to run somewhere, to a place that I feel peace in my heart. If not peace but a sense of healing, so here I am again writing.
I have had my altercations with depression and I never want to return to that dark place again because that is not me. Yet right now I feel its ugly face staring me right in the eyes. I’m scared but fight mode isn’t kicking in… Flight process isn’t an option. So I freeze. I cry, get on my knees and pray then get up to write. I miss you Momma!

 

FREE FRIDAY’s-Sisterly

 

Let me start by saying, Sisterly, MY FIRST psychological thriller came out September 2017. My first shipment of books came 2 days before Irma hit us here in Florida. I wasn’t able to do a big release party,  my promoting for Sisterly wasn’t happening. We lost power for several days. After that, I did get to schedule in a small signing, at our local furniture store, thanks to my aunt for arranging it. It was successful, but I still wasn’t giving this new book the attention it deserved.

On my birthday in November, I put the KINDLE up for Free to draw readers in, that also was a success. I had over 200 readers download it. Yet again, another road block came into play.

My father became ill and was admitted into the hospital. Again, Sisterly was pushed to the back burner. He struggled for 2 months in and out of the hospital. We almost lost him and in the process my mother was fighting her own health. At the time nothing in my world mattered but focusing on getting the two of them healthy and back home. My Mother was losing her sight as well as her strength, and I was lucky enough that my oldest sister read her my newest book. I am so thankful my Momma was able to hear my newest book, because she passed Feb. 21, 2018. (I LOVE YOU MOMMA!)

So as you see Sisterly wasn’t my highest priority. Throughout these months, my siblings and I became so much closer. That is something I am extremely grateful for. We made my Mother and Father proud. As a parent it is one of our greatest wishes.

Sisterly now, has so much more meaning to me than ever before. Like Sisterly was supposed to have been written and read.

In dedication to my Siblings, my Father and my beautiful Momma I want to share my newest release for FREE for the next 3 Friday’s!

March 23, 2018

March 30, 2018

April 6, 2018

No worries, I’ll remind you on those days! Just click on the link below. You can download the KINDLE App on you lap top, desktop and smart phone.

Write through Grief

Write through grief
For years, even as a young girl, I have written letters through struggles or problems that were weighing heavy on my heart. Letters that would contain words I could never say or understand, questions of why I was suffering.

First let me start off with…

My Momma Died. There, I wrote it, it stings, hurts tremendously but it also feels like I released some of my pain…
Those were the first words I wrote after she passed. I was struggling with “being in the moment” with my writing. I had so much to say but couldn’t write it. So I asked myself why?
“MY MOMMA DIED!” Screamed at me. So I wrote it. Was I being too harsh with myself? Probably. BUT on a lighter note, I came up for a breath. I wrote. Let me start by saying my Momma and I made a deal to write together. We even jokingly talked about after she passed we would channel each other and continue to write. I know, sounds crazy, it is just something I believe is possible, because writing for me is a link to something DIVINE.  God? My higher self? The universal realm? A collective conscience?

Who knows, what I do know, it is the truest form of me I know. I’m hurting, that is no doubt a reason to connect and find out how to cope. So here I am COPEING…
I haven’t written in months. This is not me. So I asked myself why? All I could do was answer with positive thought. Example. “You write to inspire.” A voice in my head answered.
Then I say out loud “How can you write Jorja when you have NOTHING inspirational to say. My Momma died!” I screamed at myself again. Brutally honest, I was. In that perfect moment of realization, I knew how I could inspire… so here we go.
I found some writing exercises’ to do, which I didn’t realize I was already using these tools, my family was as well. Here are some techniques to help you heal through your creativity, regardless of your niche.
Crochet’
When my father and mother were in the hospital my niece crocheted blankets for them. She picked colors to match the personalities. The blankets were beautiful. I admired each little hook she made and thought to myself that I could never do that. My Momma passed with that blanket covering her frail body. It comforted her up until her last breath. This was helping my niece heal. (All I had- was words.)

 

Make a picture board.
During the preparation of my Momma’s service my sister’s and my aunt went through dozens of photo albums and buckets of pictures. They made picture board of my beautiful Momma. At her service I realized that I struggled looking at my Momma in these pictures. I was upset with myself because I couldn’t enjoy them, but I saw how it was helping them heal. So I became desperate to find my way to healing and here I am…WRITING (My words)!

 

WRITING-Pick a word for the day
Dig deep into your heart and use one word that describes the feeling you feel. Write it. Here is one of my words (I have been doing a word daily) I am amazed at how many words (feelings) I go through each as powerful as the next.
EXAMPLE
Lost…
I am lost. I can’t put my finger on it but I don’t know which direction I need to go. I can’t focus. These are the times I needed Momma most because regardless of what was happening around me I knew Momma could somehow make it seem that the world wasn’t falling on me. Now that she is gone I feel lost and underneath a pile of rubble. With more being dumped on me daily. Hopelessly lost.
Write a three word phrase
This was the first exercise I did, not even realizing it. “My Momma died.” Here is a tamer version. Describe your three words and why you choose them. Feel them.
EXAMPLE
Feels like home…
Momma always made me feel as if I was home. No matter where we were, sitting in the car in the Wendy’s parking lot eating a cheese burger, because she was too exhausted to go in after her dialysis treatment. Stopping by my house after getting her hair done at the Hair dresser, or even moments driving home after I suffered my first broken heart or first failure. The feeling of home, security, love, warmth a place you long for after life’s demanding of your time. That was my Momma. Her heart loved and loved me more than I think I loved myself. Now she is gone and I feel like I’ve lost my home.

 

Write a letter
This last exercise for today was the hardest one for me, but I received the biggest reward from this exercise. It made the biggest impact on me. I suggest doing this exercise for yourself and it doesn’t have to be to someone who is deceased.
Write a letter to that person. Write feelings, memories, and your perception of life. Remember this doesn’t have to be perfect, edited or even make since it is YOUR letter.
EXAMPLE

Dear Momma,
I think of you often, but not as much as I should. You see, when I think of you, I get this overwhelming pressure in my chest and my heart begins to hurt. I think my heart is breaking Momma, so I try to avoid seeing your beautiful face in my mind…I can’t handle this pain!!
I talk of you often Momma, but not as much as I should. You see when I talk of you, my lips begin to quiver, and the pressure in my head throbs, and then, the tears begin to flow. I try to add something funny that you did, or said, only to help me get through the conversation of you. It must show because most people change the subject of our conversation. It hurts so much Momma…
I am trying to look like I am strong, put together, like you did when Nana died. So I cry when I am alone, because I don’t want the boys to feel my pain. Just like you did Momma.
I am missing you already Momma. I try not to because I know it is going to get harder the longer I go without having you in my life.  I’m missing you so much Momma. I’m not sure I can do this without you. Momma are you there?

Write a response letter from that person. This is the hardest part of the exercise. But this is that link to connecting to them even though they are or aren’t alive. A subconscious connection.

EXAMPLE

Hey Jorja it’s me…
Jorja this is your Momma, I just wanted to let you know honey that the pressure in your chest isn’t your heart breaking. It’s me squeezing all the love I have into your heart, so my love can make you love so much bigger.
Those tears that drip from your eyes, are cleansing the sadness, to make room for the funny stuff, because I am quit fun-loving.
And Jorja Beth, there is no need to look strong, you are strong and put together. You are my daughter aren’t you?
Oh Jorja, the pain the boys feel isn’t yours, it is their own, and they need to see that it’s cleansing their sadness as well honey.
There is absolutely no need to miss me, because when you called out I answered, I’m here. Didn’t I?
You can do this, because I will always be here…
I always liked to think of myself as angel. Remember this, we were going to write? You promised to sit by my grave side and we would write stories together. Let’s get to writing. Write me back so I know you got this.

 

I am adjusting. I am grieving and most importantly I am healing. One day at a time. One word at a time. One exercise at a time. And the biggest part of all of this,                                I am WRITING with my Momma! I love you Momma!